It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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