What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
