My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
