WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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