I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
