I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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