he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
