Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
