sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize