I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
