Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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