Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
