I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
