god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
