I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
