return my video game
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize