fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
