ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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