Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
