Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
