just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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