Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
