I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
