so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
