he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
