I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
