Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
