Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize