when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
