My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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