i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
