it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
