OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
