Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
