He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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