right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
