i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize