why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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