I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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