There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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