member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
