OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
