just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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