oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
