I could make wine with my vomit
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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