no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
