I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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