she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I stole a fireplace last night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
