Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He did a backflip because drugs
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
