good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
