Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
