I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
