Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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