he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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