Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
