Yo dont text me then not text me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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