I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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