I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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