You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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