Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
