the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
