You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
