so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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