I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
