I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
are you so shy because you have an std?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
