I'm so fucking centered right now
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
