i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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