Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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