I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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