My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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