do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
