i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
