No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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