I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
