you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
